Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
