I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It's shark week go big or go home
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
