she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
