; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
