Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
well you can't waste a boner
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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