Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
