you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
