Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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