Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
