Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
