Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The air taste purple.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
