I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
