'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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