you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
