you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
