dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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