Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
