Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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