I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
My breath smells like gin and sadness
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
