I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
