just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
