You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
