He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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