She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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