I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Dignity is for republicans.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
