my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
