We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Blood and glitter go together right?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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