I heard we made out
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
