He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
