My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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