It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
