I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i believe in u and ur pee
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