I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
