My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He better not be in your backpack
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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