ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
