I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
