his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
