Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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