You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize