I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
