Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
