I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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