How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
