I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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