i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
