Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
