I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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