i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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