it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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