Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
