So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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