Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
