yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
