Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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