I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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