How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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