last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
