...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
this is an emotional support booty call
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
