you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize