the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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