And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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