these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
