Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Watching her eat just hurts me
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
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