So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize