Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
