My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
