I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
