you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
